Genie In Bottle

I have been living the single life for the last part of last year into this year and it's been a learning experience for me. I spent the first few weeks after my husband left without any notice wondering what was happening to our marriage.

I will spare the details of the traumatic event only to say that I relived my childhood trauma but the only difference was that I am an adult. I've always heard that history repeats itself and it did this day and I almost ended mine because of the pain I felt.

Once I got over the initial anger, shock etc and I realized that if someone wants to leave you they will and there is nothing you can do. I prepared myself for divorce and when it was final I realized I would never know the truth about why he left. It became evident to me that he is a arrogant, narcissistic, selfish coward and that's when my second life started.

I did do therapy to release everything that I was feeling about my divorce I realized he used a traumatic event against me. My ex husband taught me a valuable lesson that I will take with me into the next relationship.

I went through musical therapy whereI listened to everything from Kelly Clarkson to Queen. I was listening to Country Music, R & B, Hip Hop, Jazz and Go Go and even some Gospel.

Then I prayed and meditated for hours. I went through every closet and purged the clothes he left behind I even threw away the towels he used and bed sheets.

I went and bought some sage and smudged my home of his energies and to also protect my energy. After a few weeks I got myself together and bought a Vision Board and started to plan my second life. It wasn't easy but it has been the best decision I've ever made I have positive saying and affirmations pinned to the board. I even pinned what I was looking for in a gentleman because I had been dealing with a boy with insecurities.

I know I will date again but I will be cautious about what I reveal about myself. I will have to admit that putting myself out there I'm realizing that a good majority of men just want to have sex and move on to the next woman and that's fine for them and the women who want that.

I want more from a relationship because anyone can fuck, you see it all the time on social media and tv but it takes a true person to be in a relationship. And yes I am choosing celibacy until I am with the person who I feel will care for my entire worthiness. I know my worth as a woman, as a person and there is nothing wrong with being celibate although it is challenging because those urges don't go away but we as humans can control our desires.

I'm not perfect and I don't expect the guy I meet to be perfect but what I expect him not to be is arrogant, selfish and narcissistic. I pray that he will be kind, loving, supportive, generous and his energy to be good.

I guess you can say I'm that genie in the bottle.